She Wants Perfection, He Wants Her
by doxthextimexwarp
Summary: As Clare works towards perfection, who will be there to prove that she already is? A story about loves' mishaps and teenage dilemmas. The only way to truly know is to tell. Romance with Clare and K.C. Guthrie.
1. Chapter 1

**She Wants Perfection, He Wants Her.**

**Chapter One.**

Clare put on her Catholic school uniform. Perfectly coordinated, perfectly moral. She pulled her hair back into a ponytail. _Some things never change._ She sighed and walked past the hallway mirror and stopped. She took a step back and analyzed the reflection she saw. _Your not Darcy. _She sighed again and shook her head. _K.C. can never like this, never like you. _

"Clare! Alli is here for you!" Mrs. Edwards called from the bottom of the stairs.

"Coming," Clare replied. "Just give me one second Alli!" She turned to look at herself in the mirror again. She pinched her stomach and buttoned up the sweater. Then she went downstairs where she was greeted by her mother and best friend.

"Clare, it's rude to keep your guests waiting…Are you sure you can breathe in that dress? It looks a little too tight on you…"

"We're leaving Mom. I love you!"

*****

Clare was at her locker pushing books into her backpack when K.C. Guthrie appeared next to her.

"You excited for that math test today, Clare?" K.C. asked calmly.

"You'd expect that, wouldn't you." Clare replied while zipping her backpack shut. She closed her locker and walked into Media Immersion with her eyes tracing the black skid marks on the linoleum floor. _If only he knew._ She returned to her usual seat and logged on.

She scanned her browser and checked her e-mail. None. How usual. She sighed, as she had often that morning, and repeatedly began to wish for a different life. Darcy's life specifically. She was too busy dreaming while K.C. grabbed the seat across from her. The whole time glancing at Clare attempting to read her innocent face.

"Students," said Mr. Simpson, "Today we'll be starting something new. I don't want to teach you all specifically how to perfect and what Media is- I want you to figure out how it changes you. Specifically our prompt is this: You will be given a specific social occurrence that is impacted by our media in the present age. You are to then give us a Power Point next Friday on your findings. I'll be around in a second to give you your prompt."

_How exciting, I just needed more work in my life. _Mr. Simpson came around and Clare then pulled her own assignment out of the hat.

HOW MEDIA HAS AFFECTED BODY IMAGE. _Just what I need to feel good about myself. _

"What did you get Clare?" K.C. questioned. He had seen Clare's face drop slightly as her eyes formed a sudden darkness. He hoped she was alright. "I got 'How media impacts the elderly.' Sounds interesting…not." He smiled hoping that something would return her face back to normal.

"How media affects body image. Stereotypical project assignment." Clare turned toward K.C. and met his eyes. She cocked her head to the side and bit her lip. Her blue eyes deeply connecting along with the hazel eyes that returned the same message. _I want to know so much about you, can't you just DO something? Just acknowledge me. _

Clare turned her head back to her screen and opened her internet browser. One new email, it responded. She opened it.

C- You up for the mall? Johnny needs something a little more…daring. Luv, A.

She replied: Yes. Sounds like fun. Clare.

She pondered, _If I could get something a little more…teenage-ish, would he like me? If I got something a little tighter…No. Your too fat. Even Mom thinks so…Fat. _She could see her face reflected from the computer screen. _Fat._

Classes continued that day, tests flew by. Especially the Trigonometry test was a breeze. Lunch had come, and as Clare was following Alli to the Cafeteria she suddenly stopped in the middle of the hallway among the hungry herd.

"Oh, Alli. I totally forgot. I was supposed to call Darcy during the day. I'll catch up with you later." Alli nodded, consumed with looking at the footballers around her. She just went into the cafeteria and Clare was eventually left in the hallway alone. She looked around and stuffed her lunch into the trash can and went into the library. No one checks on nerds. She sat down at a computer and began her media assignment.

She pulled up a few sights on anorexia. She slightly shuddered at the disgusting forms of degrading bodies. But at the same time was slightly at awe- how delicate and beautiful these girls were. Clothes fit them at ease, they could be carried by boys. What was there not to love? The glamour, the pure form of bones instead of disgusting fat. And all it took was skipping a few meals and exercising. Something Clare knew she could complete with ease.

_Tomorrow. No lunch and tonight I need to do some serious crunches and planks. No dinner tonight!_


	2. Chapter 2

**She Wants Perfection, He Wants Her.**

**Chapter Two.  
**

Clare continued through the school routine. She agreed to go to the mall with Alli that weekend on Saturday morning. Something she instantly looked forward to after searching through models online. When she got home, she put her plan into motion.

"Mother, if you don't mind, I would like to skip dinner tonight. My stomach hasn't been feeling so well after lunch." Clare noticed her Mother's face twist slightly.

"Was it the lunch that I packed you?" Her Mother inquired.

"No, not at all! I think it was the apple that Connor gave me. Might have slightly spoiled…" Clare said to her Mother.

"Figures. Don't go sharing anything with boys- you know what I mean. Now Darcy on the other hand, she knew how to dance upon the line. Have you heard anything from her lately?"

"No. Not at all. I have to go upstairs though, homework and all."

"Then your excused."

Clare ran up to her room, taking the steps two at a time. She got up to the hallway mirror and looked at herself. _Nothing different. Still you._ She slightly panicked and walked into her room. Since Darcy was gone, it was just her room. And now the computer was now hers. Hers to look at whatever she wanted.

Thinspiration.

She glanced upon the different websites, further enthralled by the "real girls" and the photographs that made actresses and models famous. The breathtakingly beautiful to the reverse-effect. She could have cried by how much she wished being thin was her.

And then there were the sites that made her think twice. Those that warned about deathly effects to the irreversible consequences of not eating. But Clare was positive that nothing wrong would happen like that. She was in the gifted program, she was smart. She could control it- she wasn't Darcy who had tried to kill herself and couldn't keep quiet and sly from her parents. She was Clare, the girl who could keep anything a secret. The girl who knew right from wrong…and starving wasn't wrong. It was pure. Monks did it. Nuns did it. Priests did it. It was a process for God.

Clare copied some photos and placed them into her iPod picture folder. Now she wouldn't be without inspiration wherever she went. Safety. Her motivation was always with her. She couldn't slip up.

She began her homework and took her time. The longer it took, the less time she would have to think about food. Food. Her stomach began to rumble and she quickly grabbed her iPod.

Gemma, Agyness, Heidi, Alessandra, Chanel, Giselle. She breathed in a sigh of relief and then went back to her homework. Pain was only half the fun. Watching her reach her goal would be the ultimate victory.

*****

Days had passed with continuous effort on Clare's part. Multiple trips to the library and eating minimally at lunch. To eating little for dinner and skipping breakfast entirely. No one seemed to notice. And when Saturday came around Clare was two pounds thinner. _I don't see the difference. My hands are freezing and my nails are blue- Please, God, help me lose this weight! I'm begging you. Help! _She looked at her reflection again in the hallway mirror. Green sweater with a white shirt and blue jeans. Her hair was still pulled back, but still, an improvement from school clothes.

"Clare! Alli's here! Please try to hurry it up!" Clare ran down the stairs towards her Mother. Giving her a quick kiss on her cheek and a short hug, she ran to the gold van that was at her driveway. But the whole time on the way to the mall, Clare could only plan her eating schedule for the day. Meanwhile Alli gabbed away, unaware of Clare's scheduling. _This could be my first day of not eating anything_. _Purely eating nothing_. She turned to Alli enthusiastically, paying more attention to the conversation.

"So, like I was saying, K.C. and Connor are going to be there. And I thought we could all go out to Lunch together. What do you think?"

"Oh, I already just had a huge breakfast! My Mom made my favorite: pancakes with lots of syrup and fruit and stuff. I'm really quite full!" She lied and saw Alli's questionnaire glance. "But if you want to go to Lunch, be my guest. I don't mind sitting with you guys." Alli still continued to keep her head tilted to the side. Time for Clare to be a little more direct. "I mean, with K.C. and such." Clare blushed and turned her head out the window.

That got Alli's attention away from food and towards boys. Clare knew her weakness and Alli was easily molded into the friend that Clare needed. The kind that don't pay attention.

*****

Clare and Alli went through the usual stores. While Alli checked out cosmetics and bags and heaps of clothes, Clare began to look around at the shoppers. There was the stereotypical mothers. But then there were girls who were thin. Not rail thin like she had seen in photos, but more realistic since she could actively touch them and still feel their bones near their skin. Her dream was literally within reach.

She grabbed a pair of size nine jeans compared to her regular elevens and went into a dressing room. She pulled them on and got them to button. But she couldn't breath! She began to get hot and sweaty and had to sit down on the chair. She leaned her head against the wall while her vision began to black in and out. _Oh, God…What's going on? _

Seconds later she eventually came to and her vision cleared. _Blackout. _She got up and stared at herself clearly in the changing room mirror. _Your close…At least another five pounds…Ten would be better._

She heard a knock on the door. "Clare! Are you done in there yet! I have this top that I want you to look at!"

"Just a second!" Clare spoke shakily. She changed clothes to the ones she had on earlier and opened the door for Alli. She watched as Alli modeled her clothes for Johnny- not really paying attention to how skimpy she looked, but rather how they hugged her body. Just like someone who was thin. Clare envied Alli.

"Clare? Earth to Clare! What do you think?"

"Like I've said before, you look great in anything. Are you ready to go? I'm starting to get hot in this changing room."

*****

They headed over to lunch at the food court. While Alli went to grab a salad, Clare went to claim a table. She sat there looking out towards the outside of the food court towards the shops. She watched as shoppers went in and out with new bags and admired their ability to find something that fit them. Clare couldn't bare to shop for clothes that didn't look good on her. How lucky to be able to find something that looked good on you. She began to bite her lip and felt the blood on her tongue.

It felt good. Sinfully good. She continued to bite harder and pull at the skin tighter until more blood fell onto her tongue.

"Clare, you okay?" K.C. had come up to the table with Connor attempting to catch up. K.C. had literally run from the entrance to Clare's table after seeing the look on her face. The darkness from that week that he had seen had returned. He watched as she had bit her lip harder and harder. If only he could have parted her lips to have met his. He could've made her stop.

And yet, the only way he could get her to stop now was to talk to her. Not meet in love through touching. Just as friends and through talk. Small talk compared to what he wanted to talk to her about. About how much he loved her- to the point where she had caught his breath and consumed his thoughts. Clare still hadn't turned and continued to bite her lip.

"Clare? Just wanted to say that you look good in that green sweater." That caught her attention. Clare slowly turned her head and let her blue eyes meet K.C.s' hazel. Darkness again. _He can't know._

"Thanks," she said coolly. She plastered a smile onto her face and turned her head away from K.C. and towards Connor. "So did you guys get anything?"

Connor happily replied and continued to converse with Clare as Alli got back to the table with her salad. This prompted K.C. to ask Clare if she wanted anything. And when she wanted nothing, she explained that she had a large breakfast of pancakes and such. He and Connor then left to grab burgers and fries while Alli gushed about the hot server. None of it met Clare's ears. But her eyes were consumed at tracing K.C.s' body as he was in line. How his broad shoulders met his muscular arms. How his legs were even more muscular from skateboarding. _He deserves someone beautiful. You have to be beautiful, Clare. You just have to be._


	3. Chapter 3

**She Wants Perfection, He Wants Her**

**Chapter Three.  
**

Lunch was a blur to Clare, she was only focused on remaining in control. Talking when she was prompted and keeping her hands under the table so no one could see how blue her nails were. She made sure to smile a lot- because no one can see past a smile.

"Clare, you want a fry? The chili-cheese on it is amazing. You totally have to have one," K.C. tempted Clare. But Clare wasn't falling for it. Even if she was falling for him.

"No, really, I'm totally fine at the moment. Maybe next time." Clare smiled extra wide for him.

"You have to have one, Clare! These things are even tastier then flies for spiders." Connor mused, attempting to educate Clare about taste.

"No, really. I'm not hungry." Clare raised her palm towards him signaling no, and with that Connor dropped his demands. Alli picked up the conversation about Johnny. Regardless of how he treated her in the past, with the conflicts of grade levels, Alli still insisted on being his Grade Nine Goddess. Clare was beginning to get sick of it. She needed to get out. She began to feel like she was drowning and wanted to scratch her arms to get the fat away. She needed to get out. She whipped open her phone.

"Listen, I have to go. My mom just texted me and I need to get home for Saturday night church service. So, I'll see you guys later, OK?" Clare began to get up from the table and was about to walk away when K.C. interjected.

"Here, I'll walk you out." K.C. grabbed his tray and headed over to the trash can and all Clare could do was follow. _Shit. Oh, no, wait, please forgive me for my language. _Clare kept her eyes forward as they walked towards the mall entrance doors. K.C. was right next to her side with his hands in his pockets. Still attempting to dissect what Clare was hypothesizing. Little did he know she was planning her escape.

"Listen, K.C. I just remembered that I have to go pick up a prescription for Darcy over at the pharmacy. So I'll see you later okay?" Clare gave K.C. a quick smile and was off walking quickly with her arms hugging her stomach. All K.C. could do was watch as his love walked away from him faster than he had fallen for her.

*****

Clare left out of the back entrance at the opposite wing of the mall and began to walk home. It was only a mile or so, she needed the exercise after all. She pulled out her iPod from her pocket and began to scroll through the music. A Christian rock band that was common for Christian children to listen to blared through the ear buds. _No, I need something harder. Stronger. _She scrolled down to Darcy's old play list of when she was going through her depression phase and was sent to a camp for the emotional-wrecked.

Clare listened closely as the singers swore and yelled and screamed. Clare rubbed her eyes and looked at the ground. Chipped sidewalks, gum on the ground. Trash…was just scattered everywhere. She had a sudden urge to clean it all up and make it beautiful and began to pick up the nearest soda can and stick it in the garbage. The process continued until she was tapped on the shoulder by an elderly man in a green lawn-care uniform. "You don't have to do that."

"But I want to."

*****

Clare got home just as dinner had finished. Coincidence? Not likely.

"Clare! Young lady you come right here this instant! Where were you? We called Alli and she said you were going to be picked up by us. What is going on?"

"I apologize. You see, there's this girl whose new to our youth group and she hasn't been having…the best weekend, to say the least. And I just wanted to be there for her like a good Christian. It only seemed suitable. We didn't take in any immoral activity, I promise and swear before God." Clare smiled as the lies rolled off of her tongue. She glanced at her father who was only half paying attention. Too focused on the football game that night rather then punishing his intelligent daughter- the one that had never gotten into trouble before, and now wouldn't be the first time.

"Next time, just call. I'd be happy to pick you two up and take you to a movie." Her Mother smiled sweetly. "Now, dinner?"

"Oh, no, Mom, I couldn't. We bought some malts and fries and had a gab fest." Clare smiled even brighter, "I think I'll just go upstairs and work on my Media Immersion project for Friday. I want to keep my grades up this semester."

And with that she walked up the stairs and away from her ignorant family.

She walked past the hallway mirror and towards her room, closing the door and turning off the light so that the room was pitch black. She turned on her computer and began to write for her Media Immersion project. Staying up until the late hours, she hadn't noticed how time had passed but rather was just focused on her completion of the project.

Her stomach grumbled and she was hungry. Starving. She'd skipped meals all week and was craving. She battled between her desire to eat and her desire to be thin.

_Prove to yourself that your not under an eating disorder. Your smarter than that, just eat like a normal person. You can burn it off later. Your smart, Clare, you won't mess up. Not this one time._

The fridge was near empty when Clare's Mother checked it for breakfast. She didn't give it a second thought and instead just began to make scrambled eggs with some toast.

*****

Upstairs, Clare was laying in bed with her cold hands laying against her hip bones. She loved how they felt. She could trace the contour of each one. How they curved beautifully. She couldn't bare to look at herself after consuming so much food- so she did what she knew best. She exercised.

_You'll make up for it. Just don't eat today. _

Her plan succeeded as Clare just made excuses to her family and locked herself into her room to sleep and read. All the while contemplating her next diet and which model was her favorite.


	4. Chapter 4

**She Wants Perfection, He Wants Her**

**Chapter Four.**

Monday came around the corner and so did the rest of the week. Clare's usual gang just continued their daily routines, just without Clare. While K.C., Connor, and Alli were munching in the cafeteria, Clare could be found in the library or a study hall. Where she was prohibited from eating in both rooms. She claimed that she was doing homework…But K.C. knew better.

He hadn't really questioned her at first, he knew Clare was responsible and had morals. She had a good upbringing and though she worried about her sister often, he knew she could take care of herself. But as Clare kept distancing herself from him and the rest of her friends, he just couldn't take it anymore. He thrived on her presence and needed her with him just to get through the day. School meant nothing if he couldn't see the one person he romanced and fantasized about. The one who kept it up most nights when he should've been studying or doing chores. And now she had basically vanished from Degrassi.

He decided to vanish with her. On Thursday he casually walked into the library and sat down right next to Clare. Meanwhile Clare happened to be working on her Media Immersion project due the next day and was perfecting the grammar and fixing the pictures. Innocent details that Clare was speculating with intense focus.

"Looks good, Clare. I see that you put a lot of effort into it." Clare jumped back slightly, she hadn't been aware that K.C. had suddenly walked in and sat down next to her. His mouth was only twelve inches away from hers. Her eyes shifted from his mouth to his eyes- they were extremely kind and warming. Clare's had been cold the past week but had suddenly become lighted upon K.C.'s presence. Clare smiled.

"Yeah, I have. I just really want to do well on this." Clare saved her project and closed the screen. "So how's your project going with the old folks?"

"Better. I have some testimonials from my own Grandparents. All they could say was how sexy the girls on the television were getting. My Grandfather was quite pleased at the short skirts." Clare and K.C. smiled at each other more. There eyes held for a swift moment and Clare turned away blushing. K.C. gently touched Clare's hand and overlapped over hers. _Electrified. Oh God, his hand. Don't let go…Don't let go. His hand is so warm. _K.C. looked down at Clare's hand, his eyes traced the curves of how their hands intertwined. And then he came into reality. 'She is so cold! This isn't natural.'

The bell rang. _Good moments don't last forever._ They got up and Clare rushed to put things in her backpack and run to her next class. K.C. stood and watched silently, questioning what was going on with Clare.

*****

After everyone had turned in their projects on Friday during Media Immersion, Mr. Simpson allowed the rest of the class to relax and chill quietly. Clare began typing a conversation with Alli.

**C, u up 4 something this wk end?- A**

**Sure. Just give me the details later.**

**U do know that KC won't stop staring u!?!?! **

Clare removed her eyes for the screen and moved her eyes to K.C.'s across from her. Their eyes met and Clare blushed while K.C. smiled. Clare turned back to the screen.

**Alli, I think I've fallen for him.**

***Gasp* I'm so excited! He totally likes u. U should go out 2gether! **_He likes me? No way…not when I'm looking like this…_Clare glanced down at herself- she only saw her uniform. She had lost nearly five pounds these past two weeks and her temperature was dropping even lower. Her clothes were slightly loose…but not loose enough. _Thinner, Clare, thinner. Darcy could do better._ She shuddered and closed her eyes. _Darcy._ She hadn't talked to her in so long. And though they had sibling rivalries often, the closeness she could only find with her sister was missing. _I miss you._

Clare felt an arm around her left shoulder and quickly opened her eyes. Everyone was getting up and ready to leave.

"You ready, Clare?" It was K.C. stroking her shoulder gently. Massaging circular patterns. He already had her books and everything in her backpack and was holding it in his hand.

"Yeah, thanks." She smiled. How could she not? He grabbed her hand and gently helped her out of her seat. They held hands all the way to next class, Clare couldn't help but smile gleefully. _Oh, God, don't let this end._

_It only ends if you let it._

"Listen, K.C. Do you want to ditch lunch later? I'm up for going to the woods…That is if you want to." She looked up into his hazel eyes and hoped. He was taken back slightly. The perfect student wanted to get out of school? Her refuge where she felt normal? Something's wrong.

"Yeah, anything with you." He returned the smile and they went to their appropriate seats.

*****

"Come on!" Clare gently tugged at K.C.'s hand and led him across the street towards the woods. She gracefully walked along the path heading to the spot that Darcy had taken her when she was still at Catholic School. Where she told her about the rape, where she had confided in her the romance she felt towards Spinner…and eventually Peter. She stopped when they reached the river and Clare took off her shoes and her knee-highs.

She began to cross the river and called for K.C. to come over. Mud began to stick to her feet and twigs scratched at her skin. But she didn't care. She didn't feel it. All she cared about was spending time with K.C. for the short half hour they had before next class. She took off her sweater and gently laid it down on the leaves and grass. She sat down and watched as K.C. slightly stumbled over a root barely catching his balance. Clare chuckled as K.C. came and sat down next to her. The sunlight was gently trickling down past the thick pine trees. Birds were gently serenading and the water was gently rushing. The wind sent trees shivering with delight all the while calming Clare and K.C.

"You like it here?" Clare asked tilting her head towards him.

"Especially since I'm with you." Clare blushed and K.C. took Clare's hand. Clare turned to face K.C. and crossed her legs in front of her. K.C. copied the same motion and then grabbed both of Clare's cold hands. And slowly, while peering into Clare's eyes, he gently kissed her lips.

Clare didn't want to pull away. They let go to catch their breath. Clare's heart was beating terribly fast, but she didn't want to slow down. She wrapped her left hand around K.C.'s neck and pushed herself onto K.C. Their hands began discovering each others body rapidly but gently. Clare gently pushed her fingers under K.C.'s shirt and felt his toned muscles. Their kisses began to match their heart beats as they began to need each other more and more. K.C. had begun to unbutton Clare's white shirt when she pulled away.

"Not yet." She spoke softly. She opened her eyes lovingly towards K.C. and began to catch her breath. She smiled purely. She pulled out the hair tie that once held her pony tail in place and wrapped it around her wrist. She stood up and began to put herself together neatly.

"Stay, Clare. Let's not go back."

"We have school."

"There's nothing that you already don't know."

"You have a better offer?" K.C. pulled on Clare's hand and drew her down to the ground and wrapped her tightly in his arms.

"I do."


	5. Chapter 5

**She Wants Perfection, He Wants Her.**

**Chapter Five.**

Clare woke up to a dark forest with the trees rustling with a soft breeze and the stars providing pure white light down upon her and K.C. She felt K.C.'s arm around her waist and slowly turned raised herself and turned to look at K.C.'s gentle face. He was peacefully asleep, just as she had been. His chest gently went in and out and his blonde hair slowly danced with the wind.

She slowly got up and slowly redressed herself. She pushed her fingers through her hair, unknotting the tangles that had formed from rough play. She looked at her watch, 6:45._ Shit._ She looked at K.C. and wondered if she should wake him up or just go back to sleep with him.

She hadn't felt this peaceful in so long. They were in their own little world back here in the woods. Private solitude that separated them from the corruption of a teenage wasteland. Her stomach grumbled. She was brought back into reality. Her stomach grumbled again and she began to feel light-headed. She quickly sat on the floor as to not suffer from a total fainting spell. She laid down on her back and covered her eyes with her fingers. _Get over yourself. _She opened her eyes and looked at K.C. She bit her lip. _I have to go…_ She got up and had began to walk no more than a few steps when she stopped underneath the shield of a tree. _This is wrong. You can't leave him. What would he think of you then? _She bit her lip harder and shut her eyes tighter. _Clare, he didn't even say "I love you." You know what that means- he doesn't. _She felt the blood began to lightly glaze her tongue and her white teeth. _You may love him, but he doesn't love you. He can't love you. Your not perfect yet. _Blood began to rush faster into her mouth. She swallowed it. _You can't leave him. Even if he doesn't love you. People who leave their love alone are weak. Weak. You are not weak, your just imperfect. Imperfect, Clare. Imperfect. Did you hear that earlier? It was your stomach. Your hungry, and only fatties are hungry. Stop kidding yourself Clare. Your fat, people don't love fat people. You're a failure. He doesn't love you. He doesn't love you. He does-_

She felt a warm hand on her shoulder and she quickly opened her eyes and slightly let out a breath she didn't know she had been holding for so long. Her chest had been rapidly contracting and now it had begun to slow down. She turned and looked at K.C. His broad shoulders and chiseled abs glistened in the light of the stars. He brushed his fingers through his hair while taking his other hand and grabbing Clare's.

"Clare, are you alright? I know its late and everything…but don't worry, I'll get us out of any disciplinary trouble. I promise." He smiled down at her reassuringly. Clare nodded and turned her head. She slowly blinked back tears. _You were just romantically entangled with him and he only begins to wonder if your worried about a punishment. _

"Clare…is something wrong? You hungry or anything?…We can go grab a bite to eat and I can walk you home. It's late and I wouldn't want anything to happen to you." Clare took a quick, sharp breath in and spun around.

"No, I'm totally fine. And no, I'm not hungry. Thank you though. I really should be getting home. I'll see you at school tomorrow. I mean, we have that Media Immersion project and such to turn in to Mr. Simpson. Wouldn't want to be late on that as well. I'll see you around." She threw a quick smile and walked across the river she had passed earlier. Her feet were cold. _Damn, shoes. _She continued walking anyway and disregarded any pain she felt in her feet. This built character. _Kids in Africa don't have shoes, Darcy knows this. Get over yourself. _She crossed her arms around herself. _Sweater, just one more thing you forgot. _"Fuck," she spoke aloud. She turned around and began to walk back…Was she supposed to go back or just go home? No, she had to go back. It would look suspicious if she came home without her regular uniform attire. She walked quickly back to the exact spot she had left K.C. only moments earlier.

He was gone but her clothes were all gently folded for her. Waiting for her. K.C. knew she'd be back.

_*****_

Clare came home and the house was quiet. Her mother left her a note on the table that Clare didn't bother to read. It was choir night, she should have remembered. The leftovers her mother had left her on the table were thrown into the garbage and Clare took the garbage out for morning pick-up.

She went upstairs and slowly got under the covers of her bed and rested her head among the soft pillows and dreams of relief. _Forget today, Clare. Just let it all go._

*****

Clare got to school later then usual that morning so she could avoid a conversation with K.C. and the rest of the gang. She perfectly timed her routine so that she would be able to open her locker with only two minutes to spare and one of those minutes would be spent running to Media Immersion.

She got to class just as the bell rang and took her seat quietly. Never turning to look at the single pair of eyes that were focused on her face. She turned in her project and sat silently in her chair. She stared at the computer screen.

**C! U GONNA TELL ME WHAT HAPPENED??????? I'M DYING HERE!!!!! **

**Alli, There's nothing to tell. **

**KC LOOKS DIFFERENTLY ABOUT THAT STATEMENT!!!!!!!**

**Let it go. **

**CLARE!!**

**Please.**

**Fine, C. But u still have 2 come with us to the beach 2morrow. That's was Connor and I decided! **_Swimsuits? NO._

**I can't, Alli. I'm sorry. Church stuff tomorrow. Maybe next time.**

The bell rang and Clare rushed to grab her things and headed out the door. She caught a glimpse of K.C. whose eyes were beginning to fill with questioning. She turned her head and walked faster.

*****

Weeks had gone past and school had continued. Clare had begun to pull herself away from her friends and towards the library. Where she could sit isolated away from the world and her peers and silently reprimand herself for eating.

Eating, her worst fear. She had begun to get thinner and thinner over the past weeks. Her dieting had become more of an extreme since her last night with K.C. She wanted to be alone. While alone she could exercise and study and just be in peace with only the fridge taking away her attention.

Detention, she hadn't gotten one of those for the night she had spent with K.C. and had skipped after lunch. Her parents never questioned but teachers just assumed that Clare and K.C. just had other business to attend to. They were in the gifted class after all, God forbid any one of those students ever did anything wrong.

She had lost thirty pounds. Nobody commented, some looked. But no one stopped her. Her Christian School Girl outfit had begun to hang loosely on her and she had to wear extra layers just to keep warm in the Spring temperatures.

She was reaching perfection.

*****

"Clare, I'm kidnapping you!" Alli exclaimed on an early Saturday morning. She giggled and stepped through the front door towards Clare who was still in her pajamas. "And if I were you, I wouldn't want to step out looking like you do now. Quickly! We're going to the mall!" More giggles from Alli. She clapped her hands together and rushed Clare into a shower while she went and picked out an outfit for Clare.

Clare let the water run against her face and the heat felt nice against her cold skin. She took a few deep breathes and smiled. It felt good to be around people again. She was finally thin, she had earned human interaction. She got out of the shower and looked at her reflection in the mirror. She could lightly trace her individual rib bones and her flat stomach. Her arms were finally thinner; she had hated those. Her face was angular, her eyes each having their own particular dark circle. She didn't bother looking too long. She was happy to be getting out.

She wrapped a towel around herself and went into her room where Alli was waiting with skinny jeans, black flats, a black t-shirt and a white tank. Alli's eyes began to widen when she took in all of Clare.

"Clare, your looking really thin…You okay?" Clare had perfected the art of lying by now.

"Yes, Alli. I'm super-excited that we're going to the mall. All of this school work has just been keeping me busy and I really appreciate you taking the initiative to come and get me to have some fun. Now if you'll give me a few minutes I'll be down soon." She smiled and Alli left the room without another thought.

*****

Alli and Clare had gone through their usual stores as they had a few months ago. When Clare had first decided to starve herself a full day. It was a reunion of sorts, the kind that signified the passing of a good time. And for Clare, this was her victory.

They eventually got to the food court and while Alli went to grab a salad, Clare got a diet soda from the vending machine. She spotted K.C. and Connor from across the hall and quickly turned averted her eyes to the floor. Her heart began to pound. _You still love him. _She replayed the kisses and the feeling of K.C.'s hands around her stomach and face. The warmth and passion that his kiss had brought her.

She turned around and walked quickly to Alli. They grabbed a table and sat down. Alli had chatted away while Clare silently focused on the table. "By the way," she heard Alli say to her, "I invited K.C. and Connor. I can't kidnap you just by myself, you know! We can all go to the movies or something." Alli motioned towards them and they began to come over.

K.C. and Connor grabbed seats at the table and stuck their trays that were piled with fries and hamburgers. Clare looked longingly while Connor gabbed along with Alli. Clare looked up at K.C.'s hazel eyes. K.C. and Clare just stared at each other, questioning about what had happened since their night together in the woods. Clare put her right hand against her right shoulder and rubbed it gently. She remembered K.C. soothing it and closed her eyes. She let out a breath and began to speak.

"I'm going to grab another soda. Anyone want anything?" After getting no reply she got up and walked over to the vending machine and K.C. followed her. Instead of walking towards the vending machine she walked outside and stood on the sidewalk with the sun glistening against her pale skin. Footsteps caught up with her and stood next to her.

"Clare, you don't look so good." Clare looked at the sidewalk and was about to let lies slip from her lips until she looked up at K.C. His face read wariness and questioning as he scanned her face. She closed her mouth, she couldn't do this. _Clare, if you lie to him you'll have everyone fooled. Your near-perfect…don't be a disgrace now. _She bit her lip. _Clare, listen closely: one white lie isn't a big deal at all. Stop stalling. Lie already! _Her mouth filled with blood once again and her eyes became dark. K.C. noticed and quickly took her chin gently and pushed it upward.

"Clare, listen closely. Whatever your thinking its not worth it. Don't get yourself depressed all over this. Please, Clare, listen to me. I know that look and I don't want you unhappy. Please. Lets just talk…" Clare's mouth was still closed tightly shut. "Alright, I'll begin. I haven't forgotten that night in the woods. I missed you, I enjoy being with you. I want to be with you…I recognize this same look from that night. Please don't leave me once again Clare, I need you."

Clare shivered, she was cold. It was warm out but she was freezing. K.C. noticed and quickly began the analyzing, "What's going on Clare? Are you…," he had to take a moment to form the words. He had read her project for Media Immersion, he had done his own research. He couldn't just diagnose someone without a Doctor or Physician. He looked at Clare steadily and she returned the gaze, her eyes were filled with hope. He now knew the truth. "Clare, your broken by an eating disorder."


	6. Chapter 6

**She Wants Perfection, He Wants Her.**

**Chapter Six. **

Clare just stared. K.C. let go of her chin and surrounded her in a hug. She began to lightly cry into K.C.'s chest as he kissed the top of her head. Her thin arms pulled K.C. tighter to her.

"Why Clare? Why did you feel the need to do this to yourself?" He whispered to her. Clare's chest got tighter and it was harder for her to breathe. _It was now or never. Just say it._

"Because I wanted you, K.C. I wanted you to love me just as much as I love you. I thought you couldn't love anyone who looked the way that I did. That I do. I love you so much K.C. and that night in the woods just set me over the edge. I wanted you to just say those three words and when you didn't…I thought it was only me who had these feelings." She exhaled slowly and pulled herself away from K.C. She looked up at him and fresh new tears began to brim over. She brushed them quickly aside.

"Clare," K.C. began gently. "I haven't forgotten that night in the woods. It's just hard for me to put into words how much that night means to me…How much you mean to me. It's difficult when reasoning tells me that we're too young to find love, but then your heart tells you differently."

Clare looked back towards K.C. "What are you trying to say exactly?"

"That I love you." He bent down and kissed her on the sidewalk. Wrapping his arms around her and pulling her tighter to his chest. The sun hit them both and they reverberated heat. The wind changed its course and the onlookers walked past them without noticing their intensity. They were once again in their own little place together. It was just K.C. and Clare.

Their future was together. Their life was meant to intertwine together like their hands did in the library, like their bodies did in the forest. Clare got through her disorder with only moments of relapse, K.C. was her rock and meditation. He kept her in balance through love and understanding. They were together, more than a couple, they were combined through body and soul.

She wanted perfection. But he still wants her.

**The End. **


End file.
